10 Comments

Pulled the "grief trigger" ….


“There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief… and unspeakable love.” 
~ Washington Irving ~
Oh
those krumpled kleenex
and
sitting at the kitchen table.
Alone or with a trusted friend,
those
“grief triggers”
will get pulled
and
activated
and
whether we like it or not
that
grief “thang” will creep in
at times when you least expect it.
I can tell that
my thoughts the other day
have activated the trigger
in many here,
and
for many who do not comment
but read often and re-read as well.
Yes
grief is an “opportunist”
and drinks from our well of
resources and energy
from time to time.
Often leaving us exhausted
and
grumpy, worn out, or sad
or just plain out
depleted along the path.
More often than not
and
according to research
people will heal in spite of clinical interventions
although many benefit greatly from therapists
and
many will at times
come to the conclusion
that it becomes a choice made to
re-join the dance of life
or be stuck in the darkness of pain.
Seems everyone
related quite well
to this humor
and very real
thought:
That grief,
and its way of
being and showing
itself.
And
at times
we just have to “sit with it”
and
allow the tears to fall
and the trail of grief
to take us through the path once again,
or perhaps differently
now that we’ve had some time;
have felt the reality of missing
that many label “yearning and searching”
in texts and literature and counseling.
MIssing is missing
and it is something that has yet to be defined
in its completeness
but certainly felt
by those who feel it deeply.
The
pain of loss one goes through takes a tremendous toll on the spirit, the fabric of life of the person grieving and those still here
who also love and bear witness.
and
it may be helpful to acknowledge it and
to recognize that somewhere along the line
we have been given words
and those words are
“powerful”
and often do not fit
what we are feeling
in times of mourning loss
or
absorbing the realities of death
and
its impact.
We’ve been conditioned and taught that
“I know just how you feel”
or
“you’ll get over it in time”
we’ve been told
“don’t dwell in the past”
we’ve been encouraged to
come to
“acceptance”
to
“find closure”
and
to
“move on”
><
Words are powerful instruments that give a command to our brain,
but do not make sense always to the heart.
It just may be we need new words,
to adjust to what is now
our meaning systems
incorporating the pain of loss
and
the reality
that
“hearts that are connected in life cannot be separated by death, as death is not that powerful”.
However,
labels are the rage,
pathology is confused with reality and the complications of grief are reality
for each who experiences profound loss
of something or someone they love.
Meaning systems are shaken,
the very foundations that we build lives on are felt to be in a state of dis-equilibrium.
And
our systems are thrown into crisis,
added to the words of so many.
It is no wonder people do not fully grasp the reality of loss for so long,
they are too busy trying to find their grasp and understanding of all the words being said to them and to figure out how to apply them now that their world is out of balance.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance
Resilience
Recovery
Chronic Dysfunction
Delayed Grief or Trauma
Reconciliation
Letting GO
….
Words, definitions, explanations, theories and postulations
on human experiences and emotions
can be challenging,
can be upsetting
can be plain out off the mark.
Sometimes we don’t want to “let go”
why would we?
Letting go implies to release, and hearts that are connected never really let go of love do they?
We must use our brain and our bodies, hearts, souls to connect to the words that we are hearing and saying
in relation to our lives, our losses
in order
to heal.
“The deeper that sorrow carves into your being the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that holds your wine the very cup that was burned in the potter’s oven?”
 ~ Kahlil Gibran (1883-1931) ~
The existence of
“complicated grief” is now being talked about, being discussed and is a current debate in the field of those in the professions and academia.
I think that all grief is and comes with
complications.
Particularly for the one who is grieving.
It is a personal journey,
one that is different each and every time loss is involved dependent upon the love, the relationship, the unfinished business,
the age, the type of kinship shared,
and
the imprint that is left to be honored and remembered.
I also think that we need new words,
words that speak loudly
to the
opportunist that grief is;
and
those times when sadness and missing
hit home and hit hard.
Times when you just wish you could spend an afternoon together, or share another precious event or laugh or seek council with
or just “be”.
Feelings and profound thoughts on
loss and grief are not new, they have been thought about and felt since the beginnings of time.
I found this quote and found it
quite beautiful
and so very true
if only we can instill it and believe:
“Grief is itself a medicine”.
 ~William Cowper (1731-1800) ~
Just as music is the Universal language,
it soothes in ways that nothing ever will,
so is grief itself a medicine to wounds never imagined.
So as you give yourself permission for those times when that opportunist called
“grief” comes to pay a visit,
allow it to be medicine
to soothe your soul,
allow yourself time to feel, to be one with it,
to lean in to those times and memories
and
then
STAND
with
Faith
HOPE
Clarity
that you have loved and been loved
and
say the name of the one you love
while sharing them with everyone you see!
And yes,
there are times
when you would just about give anything
to see them again,
so pay attention
they are everywhere YOU are.

video by

Walk in Beauty,
DRSES
“keepin it real”
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10 comments on “Pulled the "grief trigger" ….

  1. Sherry, as I read this it brought so many memories to me. There is so much loss in life and seems like the world is so much harsher today than years ago and so the losses are mounting up. People losing jobs, homes, family members and you name it. Grief is still a very real thing and needs to be addressed not just personally but in employment places for I think many of the “anger” scenes we have seen in work places are unresolved grief.
    Thanks again for great words. 🙂

  2. Sudden loss, tragic endings, tornados' and old triggers being activated by the opportunist known as grief…thank you for your thoughts here, am glad you liked the music,and those hands?Those hands are the hands of my beloved Mother, the same hands that are on the cover of Healing Heartaches, and the hands that reach out to so many in her life as a volunteer, as a friend, as a family member… reach one, touch one, and so it is good!Blessings and may the Creator shine that light brightly within each of you today!

  3. That be some great hands you are showing there Dr. SES. I bet they have held many of a hand and made the person feel so loved. Thanks for the blogs and I especially like the Irene that says we all cope & deal with past, present on-going and future grief. I thought about my Dad on the 28th. he was a hard working man with a wonderful wife beside and several children to love and care for, precious memories. Happy sun shine day to all.

  4. There it goes again, Sudden Loss. Blessings to Davy family that he left behind. I had so many thoughts while reading the blog and now my mind seems to get away from me. I will just say your words of wisdom and caring is felt here again today. To end with Emmy Lou what else could we ask for in life? She is a great lady one who all appreciates. Blessings go out to the families in Ohio again Sudden Death from a very troubled young man. Another reason we need to treat out youth with love and respect. So many are grieving today. Wish they could all come on this blog and get some relief from their grieving. Blessings to all.

  5. Hello FLUFF & FIRM today, it's good to see you both here, and yes "the grief trigger has been pulled" it seems, bringing from the brain and the files so well hidden, to the front… and to the feelings so many just don't want to deal with."yes our Monkee" Davy, bless his heart, full of vim and vigor and so much of youth now grieves in so many the loss of our youth, yet another trigger as many will mourn him and his representation of our young days of singing right along in front of those t.v.'s that sat on the floor, when we were the "remote" as the elders said, change the channel!Blessings to u all today,and to the family of Davy who are trying to wrap their heads around this sudden and devastating loss.

  6. Good morning to everyone.As Fluff/Sandy stated, lots going on these past 2 days, but I always find time to read & comment.Yes, trigger pulled with the last 2 blogs. We all cope & deal with past, present, on-going & future grief at various paces and stages.Everything you wrote & said, doc, make me think, make sense and it comes from YOU, one who knows and specializes in the field. Such a personal emotion, one not shared easily ( for me ), so I keep busy, occupied, "run" till I drop with exhaustion. Thanks for bringing so much to think about to my eyes as I read, to my mind as I digest and to my heart, as I change with the understanding that I AM NOT ALONE or unique on the trip called grief. Good grief, Charlie Brown.RIP, my monkey Davey Jones, Hey-heyF I R M

  7. Thank you for your words and messages Dr. Sherry, They are very touching and thought provoking and so very true. Just keeping this short today -lots of things going on and lots of things on the mind. I do hope you are feeling better and that flu bug has gone away from your house and not pestering you still. Wishing you and each one who stops here a very Happy Thursday and one filled with peace and Blessings for the day. Holding those in prayer who are aften mentioned here. Sending hugs your way /Sandy♥

  8. Grief, too, lies not just in losing someone to death. It lies in losing someone to life. Those people that move out of our lives, or who we move away from. That loss causes its own grief. You see them every day, sometimes…hear about them from others….and it makes the loss and grief new again. Not necessarily regret, but a feeling of missing that part of you …the part that person had in your life….

    • YOU are absolutely right, as I spoke about in the loss of something or someone, that we love, the perceived or very real threat of loss; it is in dreams, in the way things were, could have been, should have been, as we reflect and go through upheaval and through loss. Many grieve the loss of relationships, of love, of discovering that people are not who and what they said they were. It again ties to our beliefs, and posts made earlier this week and the profound impact of loss.
      Thank you for your comments… and for being here.

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