26 Comments

More on Loss and its Complexities:


Grief Triggers
Loss
Fear of loss
finding balance
and
just missing the way things used to be
often stir up emotions
wishes
dreams
hopes
doubts
complexities of life.
My prayers and thoughts to all those who are digging out from the devastation of the recent Tornado paths.
To those in shock and horror in Ohio
my thoughts are with you,
and
to that coach who instinctively
took charge,
“thank you”,
you are a man to be hugged, to be thanked
and
to be held UP by so many.
><
For those in the political arenas
around the country,
to Virginia and its Governor,
it is “past time”
women STAND UP,
men wake up
and
realize …
Women have rights,
you enjoy your freedom, your rights,
your choices as Americans?
STOP trying to take away those very freedoms
choices and rights
of
Women.
Rush Lim*brainless*, someone take this piece of human pus off the airwaves,
he is dangerous, he is mean, he is
perverse, and I will not support
any of those who support his airtime.
List of supporters to come!
Don’t like something?
Don’t do it.
Like your rights as an American?
Leave the rights of others alone.
These are some frightening times.
Grief
is not just a response or reaction following a death of physical form or a person or something we have loved and held precious.
It is experienced by inches at times
when something or someone we love
is close to us,
right beside us
or
within us!
Many will speak of those feelings and experience the many and varied stages of
loss and grief
during times of upheaval in their lives,
in times of great change.
Often I’ve heard people describe
grief responses
when one they love is ill,
when a major/significant change has occurred
in their world.
Times that create those reactions
in your life
when your world seems upside down
and
split between surreal and real
and
words that are hard to muster,
and
it doesn’t quite make sense in the grand view of how it has been planned out.
Friendships, family members, bonds that were suppose to last forever
that somehow change
and
lead to
separation, detachment, estrangement,
divorce
for examples.
When you think you know someone
well,
have built a foundation
a relation, sorted well, spent time based of thoughts/beliefs
or
 so intimately.
At times people will talk about knowing
the place they work, the people they spend the bulk of their time with,
the organizations that they dedicate their service to,
ones they represent
and
do their best for.
Many across the country now
feel they have no voice anymore,
feel that they are just there to fill a space,
some
afraid to say what they think or feel.
For if they do?
They have seen others be told,
“if you don’t like it … Leave”.
There have been relationships similar to that type of toxic work environment,
relationships
built on belief systems, trust, honesty
and time given to nurture and foster
a greater love to sustain through years
in the good and bad times.
But something changes,
well hell everything changes,
we all change,
but some things are just supposed to stay the same right?
When we give, love, nurture, honor
and trust.
We mourn our dreams, our youth, our health
our
well you can get the drift here.
Grief is a frequent companion in all phases
of life.
We find our belief and trust
our feelings; that it is reciprocal
over time,
we’ve been taught that, if we are
we’ve been loved or respected for who we are
and
our word, that love will be returned in similar ways.
When relationships fail,
and
during the times that they begin to fall apart,
there are signs and symptoms
of
not only the failed relationships
that often get missed;
but it just may be that our vision is clouded
as a result
of experiencing
GRIEF as it is happening.
Grief takes you off your game, so to speak.
Things begin to not make sense,
vision gets cloudy,
many are not hearing the very words that are being said.
Others are hearing only parts of the sentence,
and those parts are the ones that are hoped for
rather that what is being intended.
People begin to see only what is hoped for,
what was rather than what is.
Grief
in all its wonder
can color the view like a kaleidoscope
and
depending who is looking through that narrow opening
the view will look different and continually change and the other end is manipulated.
Loss is Loss
and
it truly is painful
and
takes time, support and understanding to get through it.
It is grief; it is a journey that will grab you and make you pay attention.
It also will make people question why you call it grief!
Many will not understand
how could you feel you are grieving when no one has died; many will ask why and how could you grieve when you chose to walk away from a relationship.
It is in those times
that your grief feels disenfranchised
or
not acknowledged by those you may need the most.
There have been some relationships
in which it has taken
30 years for someone to show another
“who they are”
and it is only then that hard choices have to be made, and the words of
Maya Angelou will never be more true.
“When someone shows you who they are,
believe them”
Working with people with Alzheimers
and listening to family members
one often hears grief expressed
and not “anticipatory grief” that is read about.
But very real grief, as families express their daily losses, of watching, hearing, witnessing the loss of a loved one while they are still alive.
Their grief is real alive
along with the person they love.
At the time of a funeral yes there will be a finality, a sadness, but often one will hear families and friends declare,
“I did my grieving while they were alive”
or
“I lost him/her a long time ago”.
><
“To spare oneself from grief at all cost can be achieved only at the price of total detachment, which excludes the ability to experience happiness” Erich Fromm
Yes, grief in its complexities, the emotions, feelings, physical spiritual emotional
is tremendous.
It happens as we mourn our youth,
our dreams,
our loved ones who are no longer sitting across the table.
It happens as friendships are dissolved
as
bonds that we knew would last forever are disrupted and choices are made to
end relationships
and just walk away; walk away mad, angry, hurt, astonished or
as enemies.
It happens as we see 1/2 of all marriages and unions ending in divorce;
there are still upsurges of grief reactions.
Circles/cycles/phases/stages
Life at its best/worst
Life in all its splendor
through painful loveliness.
And still,
NO ONE
wants to talk about
loss, death, grief,
and yet we bear witness to it,
go through it
each second, each minute, each hour
of each and every day.
“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief ~ But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love. ~ Hilary Stanton Zunin ~
There are sometimes
when everyone has or will say
“good-bye”
and in that saying
it will be final,
there will be a point of no turning back
and
yet even then their will be grief triggered,
but it will also be a time when there is a final and clear resolution to a time and a relationship.
In that way it is most compelling
and
so very different from grieving a most beloved treasured loved one,
on with whom you are now faced with finding ways to continue the relationship in a healthy and most different way.
But yes,
grief will and is
playing out in our lives right this minute
and
probably in ways unimagined.
And yes,
sometimes
“good-bye” is the only thing left to say.

video by

I know that no one likes to feel it,
no one likes to talk about it,
no one
really likes to have to deal with it.
BUT
perhaps that is why we get so very involved when grief is made public,
when stars and celebs die,
when grief is then sanctioned
and given a voice.
YOU are as if not more important,
you and that which is sacred to you
are as important as anything or anyone.
We have to learn to talk, feel openly,
in order to heal.
Sure wish we could bring back rituals
that allowed others in the community to recognize those who are grieving,
perhaps it would make for a kinder place
and
one that allowed others to relate easier.
Remember those black armbands?
Back when the community knew that if a person got on an elevator looking like they had lost their best friend,
the could tell at a glance that indeed they had
Wherever you are,
Whatever you are doing today,
I wish you all that you dare to dream.
Walk In Beauty,
DRSES
“keepin it real”
for speaking inquiries and to pass along to those who may have an interest!
Thanks for being here!

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26 comments on “More on Loss and its Complexities:

  1. greetings on the wind to doc and all here. wow what a topic doc and one all of us can identify with. reminded me of mama when pops died. He had ALZ and mama was already done with the grieving after months of losing him while still alive.Prayers and best wishes to all here.EE

  2. greetings on the wind to doc and all here. wow what a topic doc and one all of us can identify with. reminded me of mama when pops died. He had ALZ and mama was already done with the grieving after months of losing him while still alive.Prayers and best wishes to all here.EE

  3. great as always Dr. Sherry. I find that difficult emotions we don't like to feel and so we prefer to move away or transfer them to something else, like anger. Sometimes just letting the feeling flow through me helps me to move on past for it is then I realize that it is ok to feel the pain or sorrow and am able to not feel it so sharply if I allow it than if I run from it. Great stuff.

  4. great as always Dr. Sherry. I find that difficult emotions we don't like to feel and so we prefer to move away or transfer them to something else, like anger. Sometimes just letting the feeling flow through me helps me to move on past for it is then I realize that it is ok to feel the pain or sorrow and am able to not feel it so sharply if I allow it than if I run from it. Great stuff.

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  7. that would be "stories" dear editor, STORIES…

  8. that would be "stories" dear editor, STORIES…

  9. dr.ses bring back stores? What cha mean girl? Stories? What do you mean click on down at the bottom? Clueless I am

  10. dr.ses bring back stores? What cha mean girl? Stories? What do you mean click on down at the bottom? Clueless I am

  11. Oh my I am "keepin real" now,got FIRM putting perfectly good icing on a stale cake?Oh darlin, go out and pie you a chocolate pie made fresshhhh at JJ GANDYS for goodness sakes, and throw that "stale" cake/thoughts away or in the gulf to be recylced into something good!Sign me A is at the steak n shake tonight how bout goin for a shake and some fries?Better plan,now on BranlessBalls rush by with his hatred and his spewing and his outright ridiculous self… STOP supporting those who support that garbage on the air, AND send him OUT… keep him and politicians OUT of our bodies and vaginas… Literally.STOMPStand UP America…and glad to know "keepin it real" is allowing the tears and the laughter to flow… they do go hand in hand.Now we will hook up Firm and our other reader up as "professional mourners" and have them bring back stores that we can all get with if we indeed stay "real" …tragedy/comedyall go hand in hand.thanks to all of you for being here, and don't forgetvisit the other blog site as well OK?

  12. Oh my I am "keepin real" now,got FIRM putting perfectly good icing on a stale cake?Oh darlin, go out and pie you a chocolate pie made fresshhhh at JJ GANDYS for goodness sakes, and throw that "stale" cake/thoughts away or in the gulf to be recylced into something good!Sign me A is at the steak n shake tonight how bout goin for a shake and some fries?Better plan,now on BranlessBalls rush by with his hatred and his spewing and his outright ridiculous self… STOP supporting those who support that garbage on the air, AND send him OUT… keep him and politicians OUT of our bodies and vaginas… Literally.STOMPStand UP America…and glad to know "keepin it real" is allowing the tears and the laughter to flow… they do go hand in hand.Now we will hook up Firm and our other reader up as "professional mourners" and have them bring back stores that we can all get with if we indeed stay "real" …tragedy/comedyall go hand in hand.thanks to all of you for being here, and don't forgetvisit the other blog site as well OK?

  13. hellooooooooo.A beautious sunny, windy day here..great weather for clearing out thefog in my head, and in my heart..Grief… sure have had enough ofit to know I do not like the ways it makes me feel…As with all other emotions, love, joy, anger, anxiety, shame, fear, and the list goes on… grief comes in all forms and facets of our daily lives.. it seems to me that the realm of emotions we feel is what makes us distinctly human.The choice of how we cope or deal with it is often difficult.Today, I choose to ignore all negative and sad feelings…Sure hope the wrath of Mother Nature eases up on all those beingcrushed by her awesome power..Many prayers for all in need,as for Rush what's his name…he is dust in the wind, such an ignorant fool…only in America.Have a heartwarming day all !I am heading out to flip burgers… now if that is not depressing… LOL.hugging my angels ♥ ♥sign me, A.

  14. hellooooooooo.A beautious sunny, windy day here..great weather for clearing out thefog in my head, and in my heart..Grief… sure have had enough ofit to know I do not like the ways it makes me feel…As with all other emotions, love, joy, anger, anxiety, shame, fear, and the list goes on… grief comes in all forms and facets of our daily lives.. it seems to me that the realm of emotions we feel is what makes us distinctly human.The choice of how we cope or deal with it is often difficult.Today, I choose to ignore all negative and sad feelings…Sure hope the wrath of Mother Nature eases up on all those beingcrushed by her awesome power..Many prayers for all in need,as for Rush what's his name…he is dust in the wind, such an ignorant fool…only in America.Have a heartwarming day all !I am heading out to flip burgers… now if that is not depressing… LOL.hugging my angels ♥ ♥sign me, A.

  15. Wait ! and another crack up isRush Lim-brainless, I am still cracking up. Well, sign me up for the back row in the funeral parlor, I could play the part, too…….. and the Academy Award goes to : __________________.

  16. Wait ! and another crack up isRush Lim-brainless, I am still cracking up. Well, sign me up for the back row in the funeral parlor, I could play the part, too…….. and the Academy Award goes to : __________________.

  17. Aint nutin on the end of these blogs to click on. Guess it went with the first real long nice one I wrote that is floating around in space. Yep I heard from a funeral director there are mourners coming in that does not know the person. I am signing up for one. ha.

  18. Aint nutin on the end of these blogs to click on. Guess it went with the first real long nice one I wrote that is floating around in space. Yep I heard from a funeral director there are mourners coming in that does not know the person. I am signing up for one. ha.

  19. You were correct in assuming I would be back on the keys, typing another, more detailed comment. I almost choaked laughing at the visual of renting out a professional mourner. I am still shaking my head at that one. It is NOT me, though, I will not be swallowed up by grief of any form, living or dead. I am just working thru some very sore and raw parts of my new life, spreading the icing on top of a stale cake that was baked long ago. NOW, GET A PICTURE OF THAT ONE ! Now, Dr. SES, please, I am asking nicely, please pick another topic to write about if you can. Drowning in tears this week ! Paaaaleeeesssse !

  20. You were correct in assuming I would be back on the keys, typing another, more detailed comment. I almost choaked laughing at the visual of renting out a professional mourner. I am still shaking my head at that one. It is NOT me, though, I will not be swallowed up by grief of any form, living or dead. I am just working thru some very sore and raw parts of my new life, spreading the icing on top of a stale cake that was baked long ago. NOW, GET A PICTURE OF THAT ONE ! Now, Dr. SES, please, I am asking nicely, please pick another topic to write about if you can. Drowning in tears this week ! Paaaaleeeesssse !

  21. Hello all three of YOU here,from the beginning preview that was lost in space! hahablessings to you,FIRM, glad to see the tears, and hugs to start your weekend, I have a feeling we will hear more from you today,FLUFF, indeed there with each breath is often underlying grief that many do not want to deal with, many take on needlessly, and to keep it real, some should rent themselves out as "professional mourners"…Ah the complexities, circles cycles, phases and stages…It is Friday.Best to all who gather here,please visit the new website at the end of each blog, and share it with ALL you know!

  22. Hello all three of YOU here,from the beginning preview that was lost in space! hahablessings to you,FIRM, glad to see the tears, and hugs to start your weekend, I have a feeling we will hear more from you today,FLUFF, indeed there with each breath is often underlying grief that many do not want to deal with, many take on needlessly, and to keep it real, some should rent themselves out as "professional mourners"…Ah the complexities, circles cycles, phases and stages…It is Friday.Best to all who gather here,please visit the new website at the end of each blog, and share it with ALL you know!

  23. GRIEF = It is surely one of the most difficult and heart wrenching times in ones life and there is no time limit – I don't think it is ever over, especially when the losses are so great and so close together. Wishing each one here a Happy Friday /Sandy♥

  24. GRIEF = It is surely one of the most difficult and heart wrenching times in ones life and there is no time limit – I don't think it is ever over, especially when the losses are so great and so close together. Wishing each one here a Happy Friday /Sandy♥

  25. D Y S M.D. F I R M You are killing me this week.

  26. D Y S M.D. F I R M You are killing me this week.

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