It’s getting close to celebrating those Mom’s out there, the ones that we love so, and at times the ones that we have to shake our heads at and wonder about! The wisdom keepers, the Mom’s, the ones who stuck around to tell us they loved us through it, and when we fell were there to pick us up… (or not).
For many it is also a bittersweet time of remembering or for many a time of renewed grief for those Elders, those parents, those very ones that they wish so were here for this Mothers Day to celebrate with on earth.
For the forgotten mourners it is a time of finding new and different ways to remember them, to honor them, to move about the day with renewed purpose and live the legacy that is now theirs. Parents, Grandparents, extended family members, Elders… we grieve the losses daily. In my book Healing Heartaches, I have a chapter titled; The Forgotten Mourners for it seems those losses and those who have lost get forgotten in the maize of grief and support along the way and through time.
I have been receiving emails recently from people who are grieving the loss of their parents; the wisdom keepers if you will. I have decided to share some of my thoughts this week for those forgotten mourners, both those who have purchased Healing Heartaches and those who have yet to purchase their very own copies!
We grieve the losses of the wisdom keepers daily, the loss of how things used to be… Grief is a normal and natural response to the loss of someone/something precious or significant in our lives. Grief is a statement that you have loved, and most often that you have felt the love of that someone!
While it may be in the natural order of the Universe for parents and grandparents to die before their children, it seems like the children no matter their age “are just not ready to let go, just not finished loving him/her” when death comes. We all may say that we are ready; we may say that we are prepared, or as prepared as one can be… but at that moment in time when death occurs, we realize in that very second or maybe in the days that follow… there was one more conversation we wanted to have, or one more thing we wanted to do or say. We are just not ready overall to let them go!
I was on Facebook this morning as I was relaxing my mind a bit over my morning coffee… still trying to wrap my thoughts around the fact that it only two days until the 2013 Landon Korabek Jamfest on Saturday!
Then I saw a post from a woman that I have chatted with on occasion and she was letting her Facebook pals know that her Mom had died this morning after a long fight with Cancer. She seemed at peace in knowing that her Mom’s fight was now at peaceful end, and for that I felt peace for her, but then what happened next was wonderful and amazing at the same time. As I watched the screen began to come to life with posts one after the next, as people from who knows where began to write comments to this lovely woman; comments of encouragement, comments of condolences, comments of support, prayer and thinking of you. Just like that; in the blink of an eye virtual Facebook pals answered the call and lent support and prayer and over the Internet a community of care jumped to the call. The resiliency of the human spirit came alive before my very eyes and I am sure that her heart was filled. I can only hope that support will extend itself in 6 months, or next year this time of the year when those pains of loss tug at her heart and fill her soul.
The journey through grief after the death of a parent or grandparent, extended family member or Elder will have many tides and undertows as you find yourself in uncharted waters. While it may be viewed as the “normal and natural order of the world”, that view is one of rational thought! It makes sense and explains order in the world view, it is understandable. All of that often goes out the window when it is personal, when it is “your” parent/Elder who has died! The death of those keepers of our memories is a profound loss, regardless of your expectations and those of our society. Although you may be an “adult child”, you are the child of your parents, the grandchild of your grandparents!!! They have known you since your first breath, your first steps; longer than anyone else in the world in most cases!
With extended families, the grandparents, uncles, aunts and parents; they all play significant roles in the lives of the children. Collectively they may hold your memories, your secrets, the names of your imaginary friends! They may have loved you in ways you have not known since. They are your Elders, your history and your foundation.
Honor you loss; your pain of grief. Allow yourself the time you need. Let others know of your needs and your stories. Take time to tell the stories and re-tell them. They are a part of what has made you the person you are today, for bad or good or best!
Be gentle with yourself and ask that others do the same. You are the legacy…
Do something to honor them this weekend, do something that is life affirming and filled with gratitude for you are because of them good bad or ugly>>> you are!
Walk In Beauty