Ah but for the wonder of pictures!
I just knew there would come a day that the pictures that I have taken through the years would come in handy… they speak so many stories and are interpreted in so many ways depending on the day and the eyes that look upon them.
I like that… some will say it is to rough to get over, or maybe too tough to get under… but I will say, look at the beauty and then find your way across!
I have heard the messages through the years, “If I had only known then what I know now, I would have done things differently”! But when asked specifically what would have been different, often I am told, “Well… I am not really sure”.
Some days, it is too rough to get over, and seems too tough to get under… so you may just have to go through it; whatever it is! Whether with the help and support of those close by or going alone. You can make it alone. Is it possible to be alone in this world by choice as an adult? To be truly all alone in this vast world in which we live? Perhaps some choose to be alone; perhaps others have allowed time and distance to make them feel alone in their journey… More thoughts to ponder.
We may have done things differently if we had more knowledge, better understanding. But those things are often learned during the journey through life, loss and grief; after the death of a loved one or the loss of a way of life or a treasured friend. There is no advanced planning or courses to prepare for things in school that I know of. If you can say that you have loved in the best ways possible, you have done everything you can do.
It is purposeful to recognize no one prepares us to be a caregiver, few people are ever instructed on how to prepare for the death of a loved one or someone precious in our lives. We usually work with what we have; with what we know, what we have been taught, with our hearts and our souls.
To anguish over what we could have done, rather than what we did do will hardly ever serve us well! Many regrets are often imagined or what happened “yesterday”. They are not the “real and today” of our lives; the thoughts and responses of the pain and loss we are feeling in our nervous systems. What we really are saying and feeling is that we were not ready for that person to leave us; we were not through loving them here yet; we were not finished resolving problems, past hurts yet. We did not want to be left! We were not ready! We are never ready, not really.
We can wish that we had been more knowing; more circumspect, we can still wish that circumstances were different. We often hope that the rains will not fall; the storms not leave us feeling alone and cold, the darkness not last so long… We wish we could see beyond the pain… We hope for a glimpse of the rainbow, but we are afraid of experiencing it without that precious someone beside us. We need to call on our spirit guide..that one the Creator has for all of us that we do not see but we feel…. to assure us, to remind us that there is no death, only a change of worlds.
We need support, to reach out of that cocoon and ask for help at times..from family and loved ones and sometimes from support groups. We must invest in self in order to restore balance but being careful not to upset the balance of another by putting all our pain on them. Reflect for a moment… breathe deeply (or as deeply as is comfortable) give yourself permission to say: “I did the best that I could. I loved ____________________ the best way I knew.
And if that is not your truth, then… breathe deeply (or as deeply as is comfortable) give yourself permission to say: “I did not do the best that I could. Please forgive me, I forgive me.”
“This brings rest to my heart. I feel like a leaf after a storm, when the wind is still”. (Petalasharo)
When that picture makes you think it is too rough to get over, or too tough to get under… take a deep breath, and make the decision for you to walk across… slow and steady wins the race!
Walk In Beauty